Delete-delete-delete

Dash it all, I've gone and done it again.

This journey seems endless and forlorn. I sometimes wonder if it will ever come to a big full stop, that juncture that Kate has repeatedly allowed me a glimpse as I lie half-awake on her evergreen lounge, cocooned up in her evergreen blanket.

I hate the feeling I have now in my stomach. The rolls and layers that seem to have a life of their own on my body. The mind that loses itself when I start to open that cavernous cove that we all call the mouth. It is like everything has gone out of sense, lights gone out, boom, bam, whoosh. I will never stop, not until when it is too late, not until when guilt starts to fill me up like an awful rash.

And then when I dove into the miasma of obfuscated, like-minded, kindred spirits, I realised that although there are no real solutions to this - and also, many other unresolved depressed beings out there - I DON'T WANT TO BE THE SAME. Sod it all about kindred spirits, I WILL RISE ABOVE THIS CHALLENGE. I AM NOT GOING TO WALLOW LIKE THESE PEOPLE BECAUSE I CAN OVERCOME THIS. BECAUSE I AM STRONGER THAN THIS.

And so it begins. I will mean what I say. I will do what I write I will do. I may have done considerable damage today - or from the few days before - but I am going to work it all off, work harder than ever, work it all off and get back on track again.

Life is beautiful, and I will not have this ruin life for me.

Sounds like a plan.